joco

Had a great time in Canberra last weekend with Bob Fraser/Hartley speaking. Very strange - as I went there by myself, and had no idea what to expect. It was just a friday night, and all day/night saturday. They basically did a cut down version of the full retreat that you did. Over the past few months I've spent a lot of time praying that God would speak both at this event and in May when we're in Kansas. I realise there's nothing magic about these places/events, but I wanted to give these times completely to God, and use them as special times of seeking God's presense.

As I was walking to the place on friday night I was thinking pretty negatively. Just asking myself why I'd bothered to come all this way to this thing. I was thinking: "I've spent all this money booking flights to america and here, to hear some people I don't know. They're probably just normal guys, and Brads already given me the gist of it - its not as if they'll be levitating or anything..." As I walked into the building I thought, "this is stupid I'm wasting my time." They were starting with some worship, and funnily enough, the very first words of the worship leader were "hands up who's from interstate... well you're not wasting your time coming here - God honours every small step we take towards him..." I took that as a direct answer to my poor attitude.

I think the main thing for me was an amazing sense of the presence of God - an answer to prayer that I'm so grateful for - God really met me there. As I said we started with worship, just a guitarist and keyboard that could barely play at all, let alone with each other... So there was no chance of sensationalising anything. During the worship and Bob Frasers first session, I was pretty much crying the whole time... Very weird. First time I've cried in a few years. Its hard to put into words what was going on. I mean, he was talking about God in the marketplace - businesses etc - not exactly an emotional subject! But I think God was really touching my heart, and confirming the direction I thought he was leading me in. In a strange way it was like I was home ??

I was so touched by both Bob's also. You know how you can just tell sometimes when someone is dwelling in God's presense - like I've mentioned with Rob Scott-Cook. Different to seeing a dynamic speaker or leader. A humility and gentleness that you can tell isn't of themselves.

I had decided that no matter what, I was going to have a talk with one or both of them, and share my situation - at least so they could pray for me, and know who I was before going to kansas in May. I think also becuase I knew that most of the 150 people were just there because it was a good thing to go to. But for me this was a big deal - almost like a culmination - of several years seeking / struggling and God leading. I was getting pretty up-tight about it (You may not know, but I'm quite shy, and meeting people is hard). Also, I had no idea what Bob Hartley did, but when he starting prophecying over people, that only made it worse. I was saying to God - thats it, you've got to speak to me through a prophetic word! That night I had a dream: I was in a room after a meeting had finished and I was desperate to talk to, and be noticed by, some people. So I went up and talked to them, but they responded with "oh, why do you want to talk to us? what do you need that for?" I left bewildered with the realisation that firstly I knew what I had to do so didn't really need their direction/prayer, secondly, that my real motive was to be noticed. That dream really hit me with just how much I "need" adulation. A combination of pride, yet lack of confidence and surity about what I'm doing, its like a cancer in my heart - God help me...

The main thing that I really want, that Bob Fraser talked about, was in receiving direction, business ideas, etc in the place of intimacy with God. I want that!!! But I will have to change so much in seeking that. Spend heaps more time with God, and give up a lot of stuff. That reminds me... Over the past month or 2 I've been convicted about my love of sport - I love watching football, cricket, tennis etc. During one of Hartleys sessions, he got a bit annoyed, almost raised his voice - and out of nowhere says "why do you waste so much time with sport!". I'm taking that as a direct word from God to me - I need to change.

There were other small ways that God spoke, and I surer than ever what my focus should be, and what I am aiming for. So all in all it was awesome. Obviuosly the teaching was amazing, but you know about that. And this was only a day and a half. Can't wait for May!

It would be great to have a "house of prayer" in Aus. Somewhere that people who want to seek Gods presence can centre around. In his prophecies for Australia as a whole, Hartley said we needed one. So if you ever feel like moving to Aus we could start a business and house of prayer - that would be fun! :)